In June 28th, 1919, the Allied Powers decided to place all responsibilities of the First World War on Germany. That country was blamed for creating the spark that started the flames of war. Germany was forced to pay compensation for all the damage across Europe caused by WWI.
when i met Erin, she told me the most incredible story of heartache i've ever heard of ... last summer, she was in a relationship with this guy called Chris ... it ended on a very sour note: he cheated on her w/ his pregnant ex-girlfriend ...
Erin and I just broke up, and after a recent experience of domestic disturbance on mother's day, i thought i had finally gotten over her ... but just yesterday i read something on her open diary entitled "What would you do?"
excerpt:
Have u ever felt as though something great is just around the corner and could happen at any moment, but ur not to sue about it? U feel scared and nervous yet excited and anxious all at the same time. You want this thing so badly but at the same time u have to try to keep ur guard up. Ever felt that way? No....? What if it was about love? The thing around the corner is the love of ur life....or potentially could be.....and u want that love/person so badly. However, here's the catch. This person hurt u in the past. I'm not talking "oh no he broke up with me and it hurt" kind of thing...I mean.... he really hurt u. It hurt so bad that u were out of school for a few days and u couldn't stop crying and ur body ached and ur mind hurt and ur heart was torn into millions of pieces. The kind of hurt where nothing felt right anymore. You felt as though you had lost a part of u and can no longer function. You feel as though there is no point to living without this person and u see no light at the end of the tunnel. Now...how would u feel about this love trying to come back?? When you think about it and the possibilities u start to weigh the pros and cons u realize that this person was truly "perfect" and that the only thing u can see wrong with them is the way the ended it. You never really stopped caring about them or thinking about them or even missing them at times.... and now...the chance to have them back is right at the doorstep. What would u do?? Would you simply give them that chance? Would u just say no? Would u think about it and lose sleep over it?? What would u do??
and nope ladies and gentlemen, she's not talking about me ... she's talking about the same guy that "tore her heart into millions of pieces." ...
and she continues:
I want to believe that he loves me. I want to feel his touch again. I want to kiss him again; I want to be held tightly in his arms again. I want to remember the sound of his voice and how it felt to have him.
god damn, she even prayed: "LORD ... Please let this boy be legitimate and honest." as if it was something she wanted soo badly ...
and if you ever read my blog before while i was still going out w/ her, or even heard me talking about her, you know how INCREDIBLY in love i was w/ her ... so put yourself in my shoes
she juss came out of a relationship with me - and i thought it was a beautiful relationship, i mean, i thought we were both incredibly in love wtih each other - and then all of a sudden she wants to get back wtih her exboyfriend ... it's like ...
okay ... let me use this example
say you're a barber - no, a hair stylist! ... and this customer comes in asking for a cut & style - no, the works! everything! ... and she says she loves what you've done, she thinks you're the greatest hair stylist she's ever met, and that she's gonna keep coming back to you because no one else is better! ...
but after a while, you find out she went back to one of her old barbers ... the one that use to butcher up her hair ... how would that make you feel as a hair stylist?
Erin told me she loved me and that she wanted to start a family with me! ... this other guy, Chris, cheated on her with his pregnant ex-girlfriend! ... it's like saying, no matter how how perfectly i treated her as a girlfriend, she'd rather be with that abusive asshole ... how does that make me feel? ... why would she be remincing about mr. jerkface when she still has memories of prince-charming?
sorry to use such cocky comparisons ... but compared to him, YES! i was prince charming!
maybe i don't understand it from her point of view ... but all i understand is: if she thinks it would be better to go back to some one so much less than i am, then maybe i wasn't as great as she made me think i was
to truly understand how i feel ... you have to remember how happy i was when i was with her ... when i brought her to semi-formal, when she organized a surprise birthday party for me, and that time we had 'in the barn' ... you have to remember how i was the happiest i have ever been in my life ...
i was happy because i thought i found someone that really loved me
now reread that excerpt from her open diary ... actually, while you're at it, read this: notysexkiten
after you've completely submerged yourself in my mind ... imagine this: you try to articulate your feelings in a letter empty of anger, and you write it struggling to understand what she's thinking and how you're feeling ...
then you send it to her
then the next thing she says to you after she reads it is "What the hell is you're problem? you couldn't have waited until i told you myself?"
all i wanted was an apology ... that would have been enough to serve as compensation for the damage she has done to my ego ... but she doesn't even think about apologizing until i bring it up ... i had to ask her to apologize to me ... you tell me how much an apology is worth when it's given only after you ask for it ...
the damage can no longer be compensated through a simple apology ... now i require much much more
